Hey lovely’s! Sorry I didn’t post since Sunday! I locked myself out of my account and couldn’t log back in for a little while. Today’s post is something that I wrote about grief. Back in October of 2016 I lost my grandmother to cancer and it was one of the hardest things that I have ever experienced. I wrote this poem yesterday and decided to share this with you because I know that if you’ve ever lost someone this may help you with your grief.
Grief feels like emptiness in your heart, a piece of nothingness that somehow takes over and holds your soul hostage and threatens to kill you entirely. It gives you this feeling of a heavy weight on your shoulder and gives you no escape, no way to crawl out from the world sitting on your shoulders. There is a hole in your soul that is shaped like your lost loved one that can never be filled no matter how hard you try. Grief is like the ocean. It comes in waves, overwhelming it’s victim until it drowns them leaving nothing behind but the bittersweet taste of old memories and lost hopes and dreams. Sometimes you don’t think you just act and you dial the number of the one you’ve lost only to be reminding by their death by reaching a voice saying that the number you dialed is no longer in service and suddenly the memories of saying your final goodbye to the person you lost come back and you are overcome with pain. Occasionally you will think of a happy memory and for a split second the weight on your shoulders with lessen but only for a second because that is all your grief will allow. People will say I’m sorry for your loss and even though you smile and say thank you you feel still as though you are dying inside because you can’t stand the thought of living the rest of your life without them. As months pass the weight on your shoulders begins to slowly fade away then one day you wake up and the weight is gone entirely. As first you feel a crushing sense of guilt because you’ve finally accepted the fact that you will never see them again and it feels so wrong to feel okay again. The guilt fades as you remember that they would want you to be happy and live your life to the fullest. When you lose someone everyone says that the pain you feel will pass and you eventually move on, the truth is that even though you heal, the pain that you felt the day you lost them stays with you forever never diminishing, never disappearing. The whole in your soul fills with the love you collected from the one you lost and you realize that even though they are gone, they will forever live on in your heart.