The grief surged with every breath, always reaching higher peaks, never soothed by the inhale of cool fall air. Tears run from my eyes like water from a dam. My gaze falling to the sky, bouncing from star to star. When someone you love dies you expect the world to stop turning and time to stop but in reality, outside my built up walls of pain and sorrow life goes on. All pretense of quiet coping was lost as I sank to the damp grass not caring about the mud ruining my jeans. My fingers clasped my phone and the photograph of us standing side by side stares back at me. I am flooded with regret of all the memories I could’ve but won’t get to experience with the one I’ve lost. I want to be okay but how can I be okay in a world without the loved one who is no longer here sitting next to me. I brought my hands to my chest, and closed my eyes as I cried out to God, asking him to just take me back to the way things were, before my anxiety, before my grandmother left this world and entered heaven. I knew there was nothing anyone could do but for some reason, praying to God made me feel like one day I would see her again.